Results tagged “regulation”

October 31, 2013 2:14 PM

Stuff [Free Press] Doesn't Want You to Know

[The craziest thing happened to me a couple months ago.  You've heard about this NSA spying thing, right?  It has outraged consumers, governments, businesses across the globe, and yearns for us all to consider installing a pretty serious VPN/encryption lockdown.  Anyway, based on what they've seen of my wildly eclectic interests/borderline insanity, the NSA claims that--from what they can tell about my disordered personality--I share online behavioral patterns that they have only seen with some of the world's most unstable/dangerous criminal minds and if they knew more about me they could get a better handle on where the bad guys are (online, anyway).  So they made me a deal: I come clean about the full extent of my online interests/browsing behavior, and they give me the stuff they pull on all of you. "Stuff [They] Don't Want You to Know*" is an occasional blog series where I share some of this information with you.]

So, anyway--to answer your questions--I now know a lot of messed up things about a lot more people these days.  Given the date, and the overall spookiness in the atmosphere today, I'm sure the more inquisitive of you want to know whether I know all about the AT&T-UFO connection. Well, as a matter of fact, I do.  But trust me when I say this: you can't handle the truth.  For now, that vault's just going to have to remain closed.

So let's pull back the curtain on something you can handle.  I recently came into possession of a number of texts/emails between our regulation-happy friends at Free Press and all their regulation-happy friends in the policy world, like Susan Crawford and Tim Wu.  Some of these were texts that seem to have been traded during hearings to take their minds off the inevitable IP transition, and others appear to be just how they were passing the time on long plane or car trips.  And, yeah, you heard right.  Apparently, they do use their phones on planes; and, no, they haven't taken the "it can wait" pledge not to text and drive.

Despite their private contempt for public safety on the highways, and the regulations of the Federal Aviation Administration, one thing's for sure:  these guys do love themselves some regulation (as long as it doesn't, you know, cramp their style).  How much do they dig regulation, you might ask?  Well, they have a little game that they like to play, and I'm going to tell you about it, because it's actually been kind of funny to watch the results.

Here's the game: you take any movie and substitute the words "regulation," "regulator," or "regulate" for any one word in the title of the movie.  So here's how it works, from some actual Free Press private communications:

Regulate Me to Hell (Drag Me to Hell)
The Good, the Bad, and the Regulators
The Silence of the Regulators
12 Angry Regulators
Inherit the Regulation
Regulations of Steel
Fifty Shades of Regulation (DQ'd b/c not a movie yet)
It Takes a Regulation
Texas Chainsaw Regulation
Planet of the Regulators
Gone With the Regulation
Regulators on a Plane
T3: Rise of the Regulations
The Regulations of Narnia
Birth of a Regulation
Triumph of the Regulation

I know; the last two surprised me, too--but, you have to admit, the titles work as films glorifying regulation. Pretty funny, huh?  You could have knocked me over with a feather when I saw this stuff--I didn't even know those guys had a sense of humor. 

Who knows?  Maybe this game will catch on and we'll see Randy May and Scott Cleland trading their own regulation-game quips at the next Free State Foundation Conference . . .

*"Stuff [They] Don't Want You to Know" is a series of occasional blog posts that are entirely fictional and intended to poke gentle fun at figures within the telecom policy world.  Nothing in this series should be mistaken for the truth.