Results tagged “real industry innovators”

August 26, 2009 11:49 AM

Here's To You, Mr. Traffic-Pumper, Access-Stimulator Telecom Guy!

With apologies to Bud Light, and their fabulous "Real Men of Genius" radio ads,  TeleComSense will, on occasion, try to honor those innovators in the communications industry, which devote so much ingenuity and effort to produce little-to-negative consumer welfare.  If you're not familiar with the Bud Light ads, they are, quite simply, the best radio ads, period--just click on the link above, and get ready for tons of simple-minded, yet clever (in a simple-minded kind of way) entertainment.  The format is always the same: a guy with a deep, booming voice offers a tongue-in-cheek "salute" to the frequently inexplicable, generally trivial, and always humorous, occupations, products, hobbies, or other segments of our "market-driven" society, while a cheesy '80s sound chorus will chime in with additional fanfare.  [Warning: if the "market" is your "religion", you might find these commercials quite blasphemous].

Unfortunately, the Bud Light crew beat me to one communications industry example--"Mr. Dishonest Cable TV Hooker Upper", but here are the "lyrics" to this tribute. The words in parentheses contain the singing parts.

Bud Light Presents Real Men of Genius
(Real Men of Genius)
Today, we salute you, Mr. Dishonest Cable TV Hooker Upper
(Mr. Dishonest Cable TV Hooker Upper)
On any given day, sometime between nine and four thirty,
you arrive ready to bring us the world and,.
for an extra twenty, you will bring us porn.
(naughty, naughty boy)
Hey, you've already got the van and the jumpsuit,
why not get into criminal activity?
(Just a naughty boy)
Afterall, what are they gonna do, throw you in cable jail?
( I don't think so)
So, crack open an ice cold budlight, Manhandler of the scrambler,
because isn't it about time someone hooked you up?
(Mr. Dishonest Cable TV Hooker Upper)

 

OK, here's a little background on our first TeleComSense "Real Industry Innovator"--the much-maligned "traffic pumper."  A "traffic pumper", or "access stimulator" is a LEC that finds a way to maximize the amount of traffic (minutes) that it can terminate at the highest switched access terminating rates (usually the rates allowed in the most rural areas).  But here's the trick, the "traffic pumper" does it without ever completing one additional call to a human in that service area.  While "access charges" existed, in one form or another, prior to the AT&T divestiture in 1984, it should be noted that access charges became much more visible  at the time of the AT&T divestiture, and were designed to enable long distance competition while continuing to compensate the newly-divested Bell Operating Companies and independent telephone companies for long distance calls made over their local networks.  In effect, access charges provided a way to maintain the longstanding cross-subsidization of "basic local exchange service," by "long distance service" in a market with multiple long distance providers. 


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